Empathy

I get a call from my mother and the first thing she says is Kirrick why are you never their for me. She started telling me stories about how her friends would always tell her about things their kids did for them. It could be something simple as them telling a story about what one of her friends kids got them for their birthdays. So after she expressed that she feels like I’m never their for her she asked me if I would be in her corner if she ever needed me. While I was listening to her I had this weird feeling of resentment. The reason I felt this way because I am the oldest of my siblings. I have one sister and two brothers. My mother had me when she was 21 and she was in know position to raise a child so she left me with my great grandmother. She never back for me and she didn’t raise any of my other siblings either. As a kid I disliked my mother because she was never home and she never kept her word. As I got older it was normal not having my mother or my father in my life. My great grandmother and my grandfather were my parents. Growing up me and my mother would never get along, she demanded respect because she said I was her son and I should respect her. I had a different vantage point when I was younger. I grew more angry over the years because I felt like my mother made a choice to abandon me and my siblings. So every time she would call or cone around I always had an attitude. I felt like she let me down as a kid and I felt like she didn’t love so I wasn’t always nice to my mother. Anytime she would ask me for something I would say no or I would always slow her that I was mad at her because I was. Every kid needs their mother and every kid wants to know that their mother loves them and will always be in their corner. I couldn’t count on my mother for that support and it bothered me so I acted out. My grandfather would always tell me to respect and love my mother no matter what she did, that process was easier said then done. I always listened to my grandfather so although I didn’t want to I would always be respectful to my mother because that’s what my grandfather told me to do.,

As years passed my grandmother passed away, my great grandmother passed away and I started to feel the pain of not having parents. Over the years I tried to build a relationships with my mother but when it didn’t responsible what I thought I wanted our relationship to be like I distanced myself. I would always remind my mother how she was never their for me and how mad I was at her. I would always give my mother attitude and I was never really nice to her. At the time my perception was limited and I didn’t really understand how easy life could throw you off course. As I got older I made mistakes, I got in trouble, I put my future at jeopardy and if it wasn’t for Devine intervention I could be another statistic just like many other young men that look like me. As I got older I realized that one wrong decision could affect your whole life. When your young you tend to only think about the consequence after the fact. I graduated from college at 22. I got my associates in human services. I came home from college and I started working. I had dreams of being an entrepreneur so I stated selling weed on the side and ended up being good at it so I quit my job and stated begin my quest to start Koolforlife. In 2008 my grandfather was diagnosed with dementia and me and my Aunt had to take care of him. My grandfather also had three strokes that took away his short term memory. So he would forget everything that happen the previous day. Taking care of my grandfather was one of the hardest things I have ever did. Watching him decline in health and not being able to do the things he enjoyed bothered me. During the time of my grandfather being sick I worked other jobs and came up with ideas everyday for my company. As I think back on my mindset I was all over the place. I was dealing with the pain of losing my grandfather. The circle of people I was hanging around influenced me to take short cuts and focus on the instant gratification that life provides. I learned the hard way that their are no short cuts in life. I got in trouble with law, thank God it was minor offenses and I didn’t ruin my chances of being able to be a productive citizen. I tell you this story because through my process of growing and evolving I made a lot of bad decisions that could have sent me on a different journey then I’m currently on. My grandfather passed away on August 3rd 2013. I decided to go back to school that same month, I was tired of Just doing enough to get by. I was tired of taking short cuts to get to my success. I was tired of blaming my parents for my lack of hard work. I told myself that I was going to go back to school and make myself and my grandfather proud. So I enrolled in Medgar Evers College, and I signed up to get my bachelors in Social Work. While pursuing my bachelors I decided to start my company. In 2015 I created Koolforkife and by the end of 2015 Koolforlife was trademark and my company was up and running. Now we started this blog with me talking about how my mother called me up and asked me if she ever needed me if I would be their for her.

What I have learned in my 32 years of living is life is determined by missed and made opportunities. The decisions we make have consequences and sometimes we as human beings are not ready for those consequences. My mother was young and wasn’t ready to be a parent. She could have just got an abortion but instead she had me and let my grandparents raise. My mother could have also been selfish and raised me in an unsafe environment. My mother knew she didn’t know how to raise a child so she gave me to someone who could. My mother has did over 14 years in prison. She has been on drugs, she has sold drugs and she had to use her adversity as a tool to change her life. Currently mother has a job, owns property in the Bronx and has her own vehicle. She doesn’t get in trouble any more, she doesn’t do drugs and she has good credit. Now that’s a hell of a shift and I’m super proud of her. I focused on what my mother didn’t do for me my entire life, I didn’t take into account that she was on her own journey. She had to go through what she went through so she could be her best self. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. Every mistake or experience I have had has help me evolve and grow. I wouldn’t allow someone to cone into my life and judge me on my mistakes because those same mistakes pushed me out my comfort zone and forced me to grow. So I can’t judge my mother for what she didn’t do. She did enough by having me, she got me to this planet and I’m sincerely grateful for that. I’m very proud that my mother got her life together, she has been through so much. My days of judging people for the decisions that they make are over. The universe has a way of working things out. Karma doesn’t have any biases. Your faith and what happens to you is based on how you treat people, what you think about on a regular basis and what you say out your mouth on a regular basis will determine your reality on a regular basis. So if the universe has a system in place to make sure that all people get treated equally and you reap what you sow their is no real reason to be angry or mad at anyone. If your a bad person that does bad things all the time eventually something bad will happen to you. If your a good person and you are always good to people then good things will happen to you. This is not my opinion, rather this is the law of nature. Experience has taught me to love respect my mother. Just like I have empathy for all the mistakes I have made I have empathy for all the mistakes my parents have made as well. The good days and the bad days have shaped who we both are. Without my mother and father my whole life would be different. I am grateful for all of my family. Each member of my family has help shape my character and who I am as a person. My family loved me unconditionally and left me with the tools so that I can be and do anything that my heart desires. I am Koolforlife because I decided to take full accountability over my reality. This means I can’t blame my parents, my friends, God, the Devel, I can’t blame anybody for what happens to me or for me. I manifest my own reality. It feels good to be able to be able to let go of all the pain. All my experiences and family has made me the person I am today.