I would watch the Cosby show and wish I had a family like the one that was portrayed on TV. I also loved watching the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Because it was about a young man that came from a single parent household and moved in with his successful aunt, uncle and their wealthy family. They provided Will with siblings and a family structure that gave him him the unconditional love, which every person should get from their family. I grew up with my grandparents my entire life. I lived with my great grandmother in Queens for the first ten years of my life. Then I moved to Brooklyn to live with her son, my grandfather, because I needed a male figure in my life. I have always been grateful and thankful for my grandparents. They were my guardian angels and they gave me all the unconditional love I needed. They also provided me with the tools needed for me to be successful at anything I did in my life. I will be eternally grateful for what they did for me, I would not be the person I am today if it wasn't for everything they did for me. 

When I was younger I would think my mother and father didn't love me. I felt like they should have never left me and I was mad that they never came back for me. Now keep in mind that these thoughts have come a long way, before I actually start going through things. As you get older adversity can do two things, it can make you or break you. Growing up, I made a lot of mistakes. I made mistakes in my relationships. I made mistakes in my life and got myself into trouble when I was younger. I did things without thinking about the consequences and if it wasn't for my Angels and my creator I could be dead or in jail. My point is that regardless of how smart I thought I was, I still put myself in positions where I could of mess up my whole future. I sold weed in a time where people of color were really getting incarcerated at high numbers for getting caught and convicted for selling weed or being caught with weed on you. It got to a point that the judge looked at my record and he said within the list two years I had been in and out of the system about five times. The judge felt like I didn't understand the severity of getting arrested. So he told me that I had to do three weeks community service and if he saw me again within the next year that he would make sure I spend some time in jail. So for all the knowledge I have, for all the dreams and aspirations I have, I still almost messed my whole life up. So as I got older and I started having my own experiences, I began to understand how easy you can make a mistake that could change the whole course to your life. My mother had me when she was 21. She grew up in a time where drugs and crime ruined communities all over the United States. She got caught in that system and she had enough sense to leave me with people that she knew would take care of me. I couldn't respect that before but at 31 years old, I do. I understand what my mother went through and I appreciate her making one of the hardest decisions for any mother and that's giving away your own flesh and blood.   

One of the ways that I have learned to forgive my parents, was to acknowledge how them not being around has effected me. I spent my whole life feeling lonely and unwanted. I never could understand why I didn't have my parents in my life on a consistent basis. I used to have too much pain and hurt in my heart toward my parents. I thought I would feel that way for the rest of my life. Growing up without your parents will leave a empty space in your heart, no matter who is filling their spot. In the back of your mind, you always miss your parents because they are the ones that created you. When I was growing up I never really cared about doing well in school, I did enough to pass. So when I changed my mindset, and was on the Dean's List every semester, and then I graduating with honors, in the back of my mind, I wanted my parents to be there. Last year I had my graduation at the Barclays and I graduated with honors. My mother called me and told me that she couldn't make it, it crushed my heart but I tried to understand that she had to work. Although I understand that my parents are not perfect I still want them to be apart of my accomplishments. I want them to acknowledge that they see my hard work and that they are proud of me. My grandparents did a great job when they were alive. They made me feel special and I will never forget those memories. 

My mother help me find my biological father a few weeks ago. Up until about two weeks ago, I never knew who my father was. I mean I couldn't tell you his name, his nationality, I didn't know anything. I get a call from my mother and she gives me a number and a name. I call the number and I speak to my father for the first time. He tells me that he has nine kids, and two of my sisters are twins. I speak to one of my twin sisters for the first time. My father tells me stories about my family, what he likes to do and that he's from Trinidad. It took me 31 years but I finally found out who my father is. When we spoke he thought I was going to be mad, and to be honest, if he would have caught me at a different time in my life, I would have been mad. But I don't have time to be mad at anybody. While we are alive on this planet we have are own individual purpose and journey. In that process you might disappoint a lot of people or you might make a lot of people proud. Regardless of what happens, you have to live out your destiny. So my parents had to live their life in a way that they could grow and evolve as human beings. I have been blessed to look adversity in the face with a smile and get better each passing day. I turned out to be a young man that loves unconditionally. I want to change this world for the better and I take accountability over my own reality. I don't blame anybody for anything, everything I have been through has made me a better person and has given me the knowledge to help other people that have been through pain. If we all lived life perfectly how would we learn? It's through pain and adversity we push ourselves to evolve and become better individuals. I appreciate my parents and my grandparents for everything they have done for me. I am grateful for the good and the bad days. They all have made me into the person I am today. When I was younger I would wish my family was like the Cosby show or the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. As I get older I appreciate my family for who they are, and I understand now that life doesn't always go as planned. 

When you fail, try again. Don't let adversity hinder you, it should only make you stronger. As I get older I try not to be so hard on people for making mistakes because we all learn at different times in our lives. For the things I wish of could of been better with my family I will implement when I create my family. I will use all my bad days as motivation on why my children will have more good days. I will be everything to my kids that my parents couldn't be for me. I will ask God to guide me, give me strength and keep me on course to be the best father the world has ever seen.