So, my entire life I had this idea of what a mother and a father was supposed to be like. I grew up with my great grandmother and then I moved in with my grandfather. I learned about family structure through personal experience. Before my grandparents explained to me why I didn't live with my mother and father, I had the perfect life. When I turned five, I remember asking my grandmother why my mother never came home, and she told me because she was incarcerated. Once I found out my mother was lying to me, my whole perspective of her changed. TV shows like Family Matters, The Fresh Prince, and The Cosby Show gave you an idea of a perfect family structure. Both parents were in the household and contributed to raising their children. The reality is every family structure is not made up like that. A lot of people don't grow up with two parents in the household. Some people grow up living with an aunt, uncle, cousin, or their grandparents. Just like myself I didn't grow up with two parents in my household. But I still got the love and structure needed for me to me a good human being.

Because of how society perceives what a family structure should be I came up with judgements of my own parents. I judged my mother and father for not raising me. I judge them for not being there for me. I judged their character based on them not providing care. I'm 32 now and experience has taught me that we all learn at different times and nobody can tell a person what he or she is supposed to be doing or is supposed to know. Everybody evolves at different paces. My mother and father weren't equipped to take care of me and give me the tools needed for me to be the person I am today. My grandparents had those tools and knew what to do to prepare me to be anything I wanted to be. They were not perfect, they made mistakes, but they also loved me unconditionally. My mother could have aborted me, I could have never been alive. My mother did more than just birthing me; she surrounded me with people that loved me and raise me to be a good man. I never had the right to judge my mother or father, I never had the right to judge anyone. Having that mindset hindered my growth because I created expectations for people and that wasn't a good decision. In the ideal world everything goes as planned and everything happens the way you it to happen. In the real world, people will let you down and you will let people down as well. In the real world, things don't always go as planned. In this human experience you are going to mess up, you are going to make mistakes but most importantly you are going to grow. Without adversity you would never grow and without growth you can't say you truly lived. 

So when I was younger I would make certain observations about everything. I would observe my friends, family and how they ran their household. I would observe different TV shows like The Cosby Show and I would take different ideas from the show on how I wanted my life to be. I would observe my friends at school or the friends I made when I went to camp. Come to think about it, a lot of my wants and ideas at a younger age came from the things and people I would observe. As I got older and I went through some things I realized that everything that glitter ain't gold. Just because you observe and watch what other people have doesn't mean you know what they did to get it. As I said we all grow at different times and the same mindset applies with success. We live in a day in age where billions of people have access to information, and have access to see how other people get to live their life. The trick with social media is it shows you glimpses of success in the form of instant gratification. Most people don't show how they got to where they are, they just want you to see the success they created.

I also learned through observations in my own life is that nothing good or worthwhile happens overnight. Success at anything is a steady process. Within that process you must have discipline, purpose and belief in self always. You can do anything you put your mind to, if you believe so. I've learned to observe people that are successful. Instead of me watching what they have, I decided to observe the process they used to create their success in the first place. I have learned that observations help you identify to the good and the bad in people and situations. But just observing will never get you success, you have to take the information and use that to create success in your own life. When you just watch without action, life tends to pass you by. For me, I will do an equal amount of observing and give that same equal amount of action. For all my failures in life, the main cause was because I didn't give enough effort and I didn't pay attention to the details. Now I understand the balance needed to create success and I have learned from all my mistakes and failures because I took the time to identify my bad habits and then rectify them by adding new habits that serve me and help me create success for myself and others around me. 

Ok to end this blog let's talk about creating positive boundaries that lead to maintaining positive relationships with all the people you come in contact with. Sometimes we tend to take things that happened to us in the pass and we carry that baggage with us in our present situations. Let's take being in love with somebody. Think about one of your past relationships that didn't work out. Let me ask you this question and be honest. Have you ever carried bad habits or past situations in the new relationship? If your answer is Yes, why do you think you carried a bad situation from one relationship into the next. You know why? Because you might have thought you were protecting yourself from getting hurt. But that's not how you protect yourself from getting hurt. Every relationship is different and should be handled as so. It's a case by case scenario. You never carry bad habits from the one relationship to the next. What you do is create boundaries that lead to a positive outcome. Know that 80% of creating a successful relationship has to do with your mindset. If you are already thinking negatively about your new relationship, then the chances are you are going to create a negative outcome because success starts and ends in the mind. Keep in mind no matter how much you want love just know that love is for risk takers who are not afraid to get hurt and still continue to play the game of finding that relationship that is perfect for them. No matter how many safe guards you create when dealing with love, you never really know what will happen. Creating boundaries just gives you a better chance to win. Some people have a three- month rule about having sex. I'm quite sure why they’d apply that rule to their lives. Maybe sex on the first night didn't work out for them, so they want to make sure in their next relationship they get to know the person a little better. That's creating boundaries that give you your best possible chance for you to be successful. Just remember that no matter how much you do to safeguard your life, there will be days that things just don't go your way. That's why life is the best adventure because it forces you to adapt or change at will. Create safeguards for yourself, don't judge people and take a minute to observe the people and things around you. The best safeguard is to learn how to control your mind. When you can control your thoughts, you are able to control your frequency. Your frequency is your energy bar, it could be extremely low or extremely high. Low frequency people attract negative outcomes and negative people. High frequency people attract positive outcomes and positive people into their lives. It all starts in your mind, learn to control your thoughts and you will learn to control your reality. I have enjoyed writing this blog. All my blogs are snapshot of my life and I Iet you see my consciousness shift in real time. My goal is to show you pieces of my evolution as it happens. I do everything through spirit and love.