What has life taught me thus far, what have I learned? Honestly life has been extremely good to me and I never have the right to complain. I grew up with my great grandmother, my grandfather and my Aunt. I would only focus on the negatives of growing up with my grandparents instead of my mother and father. I remember being five and I use to talk to my mother on the phone and ask her when she was coming home. My great grandmother use to tell me she was at work until I started to question her. Then one day we took a visit to the jail to see my mother. I hated those trips, it took forever to go see my mother. But me and the rest of my family did it, because that's what family does.

As I got older I still yearned to have a relationship with my mother, I enjoyed the times she came and got me and I stayed with her. We had good times, but at the time the bad times outweighed the good times. So I spent many occasions waiting on the steps for my mother never to show. I hated that feeling and that pain turned into a sadness that I still live with today. So I decided to lock up the love I had for my mother because I didn't like the way pain made me feel, so I became cold, I focused on the love of my great grandmother and for a moment I forgot my mother existed.

I remember my grandfather sat me down and told me that although my mother was far from perfect that I had to respect her because she was my mother. He told me that no matter how I felt I had to always show my mother love because that was the woman that birthed me. That advice sticks with me to this very day. Me and my mother have had a lot of bad moments; when I was younger I would only maintain the perspective of what she didn't do for me. But as I got older I realize that sometimes life takes you off course. As smart as I am, I still have made some bad decisions that put my future in jeopardy. So how can I knock my mother for making bad decisions. I have made a lot of bad decisions and my creator and the universe had been good to me. Situations had always worked out in my favor, my angels have always been by my side so who am I to judge. Yes, my mother made some mistakes but who hasn't. To be honest my mother was running the streets, she was doing drugs, and could have just got rid of me, but she didn't and I have to remember that. She carried me for nine months, and then let my great grandmother take me because the doctor working would not allow her to leave with me because she had drugs in her system.

For everything that I have become, for all my pain, joy and happiness. I have to be grateful for all my experiences, as Kanye said, “Everything I'm not / made me everything I am”. I remember a few months ago when this Drake mixtape came out I was listening to this song called “You & The 6”. It was verse that he wrote that just stayed with me,

"Having conversations with momma, we start talkin' bout dad

You know he dropping a single, he saying this is his window

That nigga still wearing linen, that nigga still in the club

Call him after we get off the phone and show him some love

That nigga Memphis for real, girl he love you to death

He made mistakes throughout his life that he still doesn't accept

But he just want our forgiveness, and fuck it look how we living

I'm content with this story, who are we not to forgive him?"

Listening to this song made me think about all that my mother has been through. Who the hell am I to hold her mistakes against her? We are all on our separate journeys in this lifetime so that we can evolve into our highest self. This will not happen without trial and error. Life has taught me that no matter how great you think you are their will be some point in your life where you crash and burn. You will make a lot of mistakes, you will hurt the people you care about, you will face adversity and through contrast the goal will be for you to overcome all of that become your best self. So what my mother made mistakes, through all that smoke she works now, owns her own home, she had a dog, she doesn't do drugs anymore and I couldn't be more proud of her. In my evolution I understand that as you become one with spirit you realize that the obstacles that life throws at you should only make you stronger. Judgement, worry, low self-esteem, hate are all distractions and will never make us better only worse. I appreciate the adversity life has thrown my way, I only get better with time. Hate and anger only holds you down, it's like carrying around heavy weights, I let those weights go a long time ago. I'm thankful for my mother, I love her and I wouldn't change this life I have for nothing.